Draw Yourself as a Villain Challenge

My ‘Draw yourself as a villain’ challenge piece

Muahahahaa! That’s me as a devil, reigning in hell – and that’s my darling little Sputnik, who most definitely would never go to hell, because he is an angel.

Specs:

Corel Painter 2019
Wacom Tablet
Time: 2-3 hours?

I promised myself I would dedicate myself more to art now-days, for a number of reasons – one being that I’ve neglected my art since school, even though art was one of my first loves. Unfortunately I could never see how I’d ever be good enough to make a career out of art and I let it slide in favour of writing, though of course making a living *actually* out of writing is equally – in fact, I’d say rather a lot more so – tough and unlikely. Writing requires opportunities and contacts first and talent last; as with any art, it’s my experience (and that of many very talented people I’ve spoken to) that it’s nothing to do with pure talent, or a love for it, or a passion. While of course you need all of these to succeed, it doesn’t mean a right lot if nobody thinks you’re important and nobody knows you exist.

Art is probably the same, but then it depends where you’re coming from. If you’re a fine painter then you’ll have a very different experience to a cartoonist, or someone who does watercolour pet portraits, and so on. ‘Art’ is an umbrella term which encompasses so many things. However, being a visual form, it is much easier for people to access, and therefore you can get a lot of satisfaction from art without ever needing to be recognised, famous, or “successful”. The love of creating art feeds the soul. It’s for those reasons that I wanted to turn my learning back to art, because it’s a pure joy and you never stop learning.

With that in mind, I’ve been practicing on my Wacom tablet over the last few months, though not as much as I’d like to because of work and travelling to and from my partner’s house. I’ve been proud of my progress and I believe I am defining my own style. Youtube has been a massive help, as well as Instagram – it’s so inspiring to see the amazing artists out there, and what’s more is that they’re all more than happy to share their techniques and tips. I seem to enjoy drawing portraits of women the most, and my style is a kind of two-tone comic book style – I did develop this a little in my teen years, but I had such limited knowledge, tools, and access to support that it just fell away. Back then, Deviantart was an amazing resource, but it was the *only* resource. Youtube wasn’t nearly as full of self-made content as it is now, and Instagram didn’t exist. Today, tutorials are so much more accessible than they were back then, and you can get them for free.

One thing I’ve gotten much better at recently is drawing bodies, hands, and feet. My style used to be chibi/caricature (massive heads, small bodies), which is a style I loved years ago, but it probably reflected the fact that I preferred to draw heads. Bodies were much harder, and I wasn’t used to drawing them on a bigger scale. What I’ve learned to do is sketch with a digital ‘2b pencil’ and draw a figure much like a wooden art model (the kind with the ball joints that you can bend and manipulate), and use a photo of a model in the pose I liked. I could then draw a clunky model from the photo and then compose my art on top of the model I created. Neat, hm?

So, I finally felt ‘good enough’ to do an art challenge! I drew myself as a devil because I’d recently watched Keanu Reeves’ Constantine (a favourite from my teens), and also because I’m reading Hellblazer: Original Sins (John Constantine), so I’m all about demons and the occult. I also watched the Netflix documentary, ‘Hail Satan?’, which was really interesting, so this all combined to put me in a devlish mood. I was inspired by someone who posted their ‘draw yourself like a villain’ challenge in a Facebook group, and I just had to take part. I hope you like it; I’m very proud of it!


Other news

I’m back in the office full-time now, which is great, but the floor’s all taped up to keep us 2m apart, and we have to santize and spray every surface after using it. It’s not so bad; it’s just different, like everything right now.

Best news of all: we finally got our mortgage approved! My lovely boyfriend and his adorable kitten are moving across the country to be with me in our gorgeous new house. I honestly never thought I’d see the day that I’d be really happy, but here we are, starting our lives together. It’s mad how fast things can change over the course of a couple of years. There’s talks of marriage and babies, but for now we just want to get into our new house and make it ours. There will be pictures – oh yes, there will be pictures!

Best wishes,
Ashleigh

Lockdown, working, house move, Ipad Pro!

Black Modern Goth Girl
Copyright Ashleigh Condon 2020

Hi folks.

I hope you’re keeping well. My god, has it been that long since I last wrote anything on this blog of mine?! Well, I’ve been up to lots – but also up to nothing. It’s a weird one.

Writing & Illustration
One thing I have been doing is practising my drawing a lot on my beautiful Wacom Tablet. In fact I’ve become so smitten with digital art that I’ve actually decided to buy a brand new iPad Pro and an Apple Pencil after our house move. I desperately wanted to buy it right now, but I’m conscious that we may have some unexpected bills or costs that we didn’t factor into our calculations when we move house. So, being a good little budding-artist, I’ve decided the ipad pro will be a little gift to myself once we’ve settled in.
One thing I very much regret is giving up on my art – well, given up on taking it seriously, anyway. I chose writing, which has been great and I’ve ended up in a job I love (after years of side-moves and dead-ends of course), but becoming an actual author was always my big pipe dream. Frankly, that just doesn’t look likely – it seems to me that if you’re not famous, or if you’re not connected or already deep into self-promotion (and successful at it), then you’re not likely to get plucked from the ether. Even then, publishing looks like a difficult world for an author to survive in. I do worry for the future of publishing – where are all the working class writers, making it big, without any other sellable attributes? Where’s the pure talent? Where’s the diversity? I’m not seeing it – I’m only seeing good old-fashioned mass-marketing. Call me cynical, but maybe that’s all it ever was?

Anyway, my other love was always art in all its forms, and I’m determined to ignite this again. I’ve even considered doing a Masters in illustration, but I’m not sure I’d have the time, even distance-learning. Still, I’m considering it.

Black Goth Lazy Days
Copyright Ashleigh Condon 2020

Getting back to literature: one genre that I’m glad to see still thriving is the medical memoirs sector. Sue Black has written another memoir due out in September called “Written in Bone”,which I was soooo excited to see. If her first book “All that Remains” is anything to go by, this will be a thrilling read and another creepy-yet-oddly-touching glimpse into the life of a forensic anthropologist. Do go and read “All That Remains” by Sue Black – you will leave those pages feeling educated, intrigued, and a little spooked.

I was thrilled to see that These Are the Hands anthology has so far raised over £11,000 for NHS Charities Together! There was talk of some animated films – I’d love to see one of mine made into an animated film. I’ve yet to fill in the consent forms!

Lockdown

One thing I have become aware of during lockdown is that I’m suffering from general anxiety. I contacted my doctor requesting a sleep study, because sleep apnoea runs in my family and I’d been symptomatic – or at least, I’d thought I was, and after asking a few questions of my family members, they suggested I’d best get it looked at. For months and months I’ve been having intrusive thoughts (usually fears surrounding my family and their wellbeing), and I’ve been waking up in the morning with my heart beating rapidly and completely consumed by fear, or a sense of doom. It’s a horrible feeling and it takes me hours to calm down from it completely – some days, it doesn’t seem to go completely. I described this to my doctor and wondered if perhaps I was choking in my sleep, or stopping breathing. However, she said that this did not resemble sleep apnoea, but rather anxiety. I’m not surprised – Up until 2019, I’d had a traumatic few years and I’d weaned myself off medication successfully. It stands to reason that my traumatic experiences left an imprint, and that imprint – as is so often the case – was anxiety.
Working during lockdown has been going okay, although I miss the security of the office and the feeling of leaving my work behind at the end of the day. We’re slowly working towards a full return to the office on a phased basis, trying for one day a week, then two, then three, etc. My problem is public transport, as I’m still not driving – I don’t much fancy sitting on a bus for an hour in a face mask. Actually, that brings me to my next update!

House move

We’ve fallen in love with a gorgeous house right near my workplace. After a slight snag with a buyer pulling out, we managed to find another one – and with the stamp duty being taken away, that’s freed up loads more money for us to decorate, which is fantastic. I feel very sorry for those hoping for a 10% mortgage, though – they are the ones who will not benefit from the halting of the stamp duty, because they can’t get a mortgage lower than a 25% deposit in the first place. This is the very reason our first buyer pulled out. So essentially, first-time-buyers are still being screwed over, despite having between 30-50k to put down as a deposit! That’s a stonking amount of money.

Alas, apparently, this still isn’t enough, and now they’ll have to wait years to be in a position to buy again. It isn’t fair at all. The only reason I’m able to move is because my partner bought his first house young – it gained value, and when he bought a new home, that one gained value too. Buying young is unfortunately always the answer, and yet it’s difficult for most when they’re just starting out. I’ve been putting away £1,000 a month for over a year to save my contribution – I was only able to do this because I live with my family and pay them a modest housekeeping. The rest of my money goes on travel and general living/work costs. If I was renting, I’d only be saving about a quarter of that if I was lucky.

Type O Girl
Copyright Ashleigh Condon 2020

Anyway, that’s my little update. Keep safe, keep well, and keep on keeping-on. It’s all any of us can do right now.

Best wishes,
Ashleigh

Drawing on my Wacom Tablet

A screenshot of Razor attempt #1

Good day to you!

This is just a quick blog to show off what I’ve been getting up to lately, aside from working at home.

My boyfriend bought me a beautiful Wacom tablet for my birthday and I’ve been getting to know it recently. I’ve never spent out on a Wacom tablet before (or any digital art tools, frankly) because I’ve always told myself that I’m simply not good enough to justify the cost, as these things can be pretty expensive. However, what I failed to remember is that you can’t get any better if you never practice! Plus, a good painting package (I have Paintshop Pro but I actually use Corel Painter) allows you to practice any number of styles – actually, mostly anything you can think of. The brushes and styles allow you to make anything from Manga to watercolours to oil paintings – they look stonkingly good.

Anyway, years ago (and I mean years – I think I was about 17 the last time I tried digital art) I used to have a sort of cartoony comic-book style, and clearly that hasn’t gone away. After a few scribbles and test-runs drawing smaller doodles, just getting used to using the tablet and pen, I finally gave a proper character portrait a go.

Above is my first attempt – I was very proud of it, but naturally, once it’s completed, you start seeing all the faults with it. I felt my lines were too stiff and my colouring is pretty pants, and I wished I’d made the character a little “punkier” or true to her original. I love retro games, and one of my favourite games as a child was one by Lucas Arts called Maniac Mansion – my friend Jenny and I used to play it round her house. Those were amazing times; so much fun to be had, just being a kid. I remember making silly recordings on her tape recorder (we were being Jesse and James from Pokémon – her mum was hoping we were recording her a sweet song) and after that we piled up the living room cushions and pretended to be Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. Jenny, if you’re out there, I had great memories with you.

Below is my second attempt – she looks a lot more true to character, with the correct outfit for a start, and a punky haircut in multiple lengths. Her pose is a lot sexier too – Razor is supposed to be the front-woman of a punk band called Razor and the Scummetts (god I love Lucas Arts).

Below is a screenshot of the final second attempt at Razor. I was a lot looser with my drawings and just felt more at ease overall, so I was able to have a lot more fun with her. I think it shows!

I’ll show you more as my skills progress – I’d long forgotten how much I love to draw characters

Until next time!

Best wishes,
Ashleigh x

Screenshot of Razor 2, my second attempt

RazorOriginal
The original Razor from the game – such a tuna head.

Chapbooks, Poetry and Pen-Pals

Pages of my letters to my new pen-pal!

Welcome back to my blog!

My god, do you realise we’ve been on this lock-down for several months now? Since March? I cannot believe it myself – have I really been working at home for that long?
Yesterday I got to see one of my colleagues (and friends!) for the first time in all that time, and we just picked up where we left off. I complained to her about my problems and she sat at her desk laughing it off with me and offering sage advice. I’ve missed that a lot. We were 2 metres apart of course – the office is taped up and desks moved to force us to keep apart, even if we’re just popping in.

On the house-moving front, we hit a predictable snag – our buyers had to pull out. I was prepared for this, so I didn’t get upset – I’ve been remarkably and uncharacteristically good lately at not exploding into tears when inevitable bad things happen. I don’t know if my personal traumas have toughened me up or if it just comes with age. Perhaps they’re the same thing?

Pen-pals

Anyway, one lovely development is that in one of the groups I frequent on Facebook (Cottagegoth – I know, it’s perfect. A mixture of all things Cottagey, gothy, and witchy – Imagine if Stevie Nicks and Andrew Eldritch had a baby. We’re an eclectic bunch!) a thread was created for those who wanted a pen-pal! Now, I’ve always longed for someone to write to and never actually went about getting a pen-pal. Luckily, this group is full of like-minded people who all love the idea of sending actual, physical letters to one another, just like in the Bronté days. My pen-pal lives on a farm in Texas! How cool is that? I can’t compare to that excitement, but hopefully she’ll enjoy hearing from a tea-loving-English-girl who lives in a rickety old seaside town. I’ve written my first letter and included a photo of me, plus a few links to my blog and insta (though I’m not much of a poser – you should see the astonishingly beautiful photoshoots people do of themselves now-days. Actually, I’m sure you have). I’m hoping to include a postcard of Southend-on-Sea too, so she can get an idea of where I am and what it’s like, of course.

Writing

On the writing-front, I’ve actually got two novels on submission! One is a completed children’s novel, which I’ve only sent to 5 agents so far and will be sending to others, and the other is a romantic gothic YA – only the first 16,000 words. The latter is actually for a mentorship programme run by a literary agency in the UK, offering representation to an author they see great promise in, but who needs a little help guiding their book along. As I had a finished book and a work in progress, I decided I had nothing to lose in submitting my plans and chapters of the work in progress. Of course, as always, I don’t expect to get anywhere – but I’m giving myself a fair chance by trying anyway.

In the meantime, I’ve taken a break from novels and been working on some poetry. Did you know that poetry doesn’t sell to agents? Well, yes, of course you did – but that’s because poetry is meant for sharing, and it’s hard to sell poetry books to a publisher. Only the biggest and best poets get their works published with the ‘Big Five’ and that’s because they’re so renowned. This isn’t including the new wave of “Insta poets”, of course – these are people who had an enormous platform and they did make whopping amounts of money off their poetry and got on the NYT bestsellers lists. That’s rare of course – most average poets, even moderately successful ones, don’t see their work make particular bank – not in and of itself, anyway. People who have press appeal and become famous can of course sell anything, and there are some very famous modern poets like John Cooper-Clarke, Simon Armitage, Jackie Kay, etc. Some of the world’s most beloved historical writers and artists (in fact most of them actually) were not rich or famous while alive. It’s just that their work lasted longer than they did.

Anyway, because of the fact that new poetry rarely sells to the big agents and publishers, one thing a lot of poets do is create chapbooks as a way of sharing at poetry readings or even selling their work. Chapbooks tend to be no more than 20-30 pages and are self-published and usually self-printed and bound, which makes them wonderful little oddities and works of limited-edition art. Chapbooks are usually confined to a small print-run, which is hand-numbered, to make them extra special. I think that’s a beautiful way to get to know someone, certainly – to buy or receive a small collection of their poems, all printed and bound by their own hands.

So, naturally, I want to make one of my own! I decided to work on poems about my journey through diagnosis, surgery, and my time in hospital, encapsulating those thoughts and feelings into a small chapbook. I’m still working on it now, but I plan to illustrate, format and print it myself. The lovely thing about chapbooks is you can use creative licence; they are what you make them, and they are a little piece of you. So far my chapbook has about 14 poems and is under the working title “We Found a Shadow“. I can’t decide whether the subtitle should be ‘Poems from a hospital bed’ or ‘Poems about my tumour’, though both are totally accurate.

Chapbooks!

Look at these gorgeous cover illustrations!

Naturally, research means I need to buy a load of chapbooks! These are all from Analog Submission Press, whom I discovered on Instagram. They publish small, limited runs of beautiful chapbooks from all sorts of poets, and each can be purchased for the humble price of £4.00.

How can you say no to that? A piece of art that you can enjoy and read over and over for just £4.00!

I had a look through their collection like a kid in a candy shop and settled on the four above, having only their beautiful covers to go by. I’ve read three of them so far, and I’m really impressed. Chapbooks are less about writing technically-clever or technically-masterful-arty-farty-poems of the kind you often find in literary presses, but more about conveying a sense of the writer themselves. It’s one “hot stink” of the writer, as Ted Hughes would put it (The Thought Fox).

Chapbook poetry collections are supposed to tell a story or convey a particular time, emotion, or thing the author was distracted with at the time of writing – they should be poems on a theme, even if that theme is the poet themselves. They shouldn’t be a random assortment of the poet’s favourite pieces. Some of the poems amongst this lot are fantastic, funny – and some of course are hit and miss – but they build up parts of an overall tapestry. I definitely do have a feel for the poets in ways you couldn’t create in a Twitter feed or a Facebook post. I’ve got a little piece of them and best of all, it’s from a limited run! I find that very exciting.

I enjoyed these poems on the final page of Little Irritants by Darcy Isla.

Do you collect chapbooks? Ever made one of your own? I’d be very interested to hear from you, so get in touch.

That’s me for now folks – see you next week!

Best wishes,
Ashleigh

My Poem ‘The Wild Women’ to appear in ‘The Medusa Project’

I bring you lovely news! My poetry will be appearing in The Medusa Project, an anthology celebrating women, edited by Juliette van der Molen and Megha Sood. The call for submissions was launched on International Women’s Day.

Ages ago, I submitted a poem I wrote one evening in my scribbles-book called ‘The Wild Women’.

The poem is based on a little daydream I had about what it would look like if there existed a strange planet where wild women grew on trees and inhabited their own world, where they were free to be strong, capable, hairy, and scary, like bears. I had images of women biting into wriggling salmon and cracking open beehives and little ones wrestling and biting like puppies. I imagined women catching each other and helping one another grow. It was a pretty funny daydream, but it was a place I felt awesome and free in. It was a strange utopia. I wrote this down exactly as it came to me, in a series of images, painting a picture of this amazing land.

I was inspired after reading The Posh Mums Are Boxing in the Square, an award-winning poem of a writer re-imagining his mother before she succumbed to illness, giving her another fighting chance where, this time, she wins. I enjoyed the experimental nature of the poem and it encouraged me to try something a little different – but just as empowering – of my own.

I can’t wait to see the other entrants for The Medusa Project, and I especially cannot wait to share the anthology with you all!

So there we are, some good news.

Best wishes,
Ashleigh Condon

Recent Reads May 2020

Goooood afternoon all!

So here we are, with rules relaxed slightly but still very much in weird lockdown land. The (slight) relaxation of the lockdown rules has meant one thing though – my partner and I were able to look at houses. We managed to find our *dream house* and we’ve already had our offer accepted, so now it’s all just subject to contract. It’s bizarre to think that I’ll be an *actual homeowner* with my partner, because this was something I honestly thought was never going to happen – certainly not on a big ol’ house, anyway.

As always, I’ve been doing lots of reading lately. Take a look at some of the books I’ve been reading and see if you can’t find something interesting for yourself. This is a lighthearted post because, well…I’m in a lighthearted mood!

The Secret Garden

Lately I’ve been really into classic children’s books – ones that I never read as a child because I (wrongly) assumed they’d be boring and long and fuddy-duddy. It’s only now that I’m a fully-fledged adult that I find myself intrigued by these beautiful books. The Secret Garden was a truly beautiful story about how children change and grow, with just a little nurturing, like roses might in a secret garden. This sweet and heartwarming friendship story, about reigniting love in the hearts of the frozen and bitter inhabitants of one lonely mansion, brought me to tears more than a few times. I so thoroughly recommend it – and by the way, in the end, you’ll be desperate to plant your own beautiful garden. The details and descriptions of every single bud will ignite an appreciation for nature’s beauty in you, and if you already had that, it’ll deepen all the more. This was my first taste of Frances Hodgson Burnett; I read all about her after this and found to my delight that she wrote this novel from her own beautiful secret garden!

A Little Princess

Following on from The Secret Garden, I dove straight into A Little Princess and wasn’t disappointed. Again, this story brought me to tears with its honest and sweet telling of true loving friendships that can only occur in childhood. I’m a huge fan of the film from the 90s, which touched me on a soul-deep level, so I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to read the actual novel. It does differ from the film, however, in a very sad way – I won’t spoil it – but you’ll wish it was more like the film in some ways. Again, Frances Hodgson Burnett wove a beautiful tear-jerking story about a child’s need to be loved – really loved – no matter how rich or poor they are. I’ll definitely be reading more from this author – I believe the next on my list is Little Lord Fontleroy.

Whitefern

Whitefern is the ghostwritten sequel of an amazing V C Andrews novel called My Sweet Audrina, which is one of the few novels that was actually written by the woman herself before she died. I’ve never taken much to the ghostwritten sequels or series’ that were created since her death, although people still voraciously read them. This one was different, however, because I genuinely felt a strong pull to read this “sequel”, even if it’s only really official fan-fiction. Unfortunately, while I still enjoyed the ride and re-visit to the Whitefern mansion, I was overall disappointed. This had so much potential, but it was drawn-out and thin on story and pretty boring. I guessed the major twists and turns very early on in the book, so it was a slog to finally get to the end. A part of me is tempted to write my own damn sequel, because they could have done so much more than they did. It had very little of the mystery and creepy hints at the occult that the first novel had. This was a long-awaited book and I felt they did very little with it when you consider its potential, and most fans have said the same thing.

The Outsiders

This book has been recommended by just about everybody who has ever known the joy of reading. The Outsiders was apparently the first ‘young adult’ novel, published in the 60s after it was written by S E Hinton between the ages of 14 and 17. Amazing, huh? Imagine being a published, runaway success at 17! I thoroughly enjoyed this story and found it to be so much more than clichés about the Greasers and the Socs – there were so many very touching moments, especially between the brothers Darry, Sodapop and Ponyboy – not to mention their friends, especially Johnny – that made it a highly sentimental read. This novel has been loved from generation to generation, even though it’s a pretty short story, and I can absolutely see why. It’s a great piece of storytelling and incredibly heartwarming. I look forward to seeing the movie!

Practical Magic

And finally, I’m currently reading this gorgeous, mysterious book about a family of witches – the Owens family – called Practical Magic. I wasn’t far into this novel (another beloved classic, as you can see by the cover!), when I realised the voice seemed ‘familiar’ to me. Ah! I realised! I’d read Alice Hoffman before! I borrowed a book from my nan’s bookcase called White Horses and I fell in love with that story – it was realism mixed with hints of magic, just like this novel. It had a V C Andrews vibe, with the magic and mystery and peculiar relationships. Houses seem to feature a lot in Hoffman’s books too, much like V C. With that in mind, I know I’m going to love this novel come the finish – and again, I cannot wait to see the film everybody raves about. I’ve been told the film seems disappointing to most compared to the book, but I’ve no problem letting filmmakers take creative licence – I see them as two separate things. I’ll tell you what – I cannot wait to see that house!

I hope you’re all keeping safe and well.

See you next time!

Best wishes,
Ashleigh

These Are the Hands Live Readings

35-40 people read their poetry in a recorded session from These Are the Hands

Join the LIVE poetry reading event for These Are the Hands on Zoom, Thursday 21 May 2020 at 7.30 p.m. Link to join: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85820383728?pwd=U1lmUUFEUlp1d3pvMmhUUGtSa0dwdz09

244 people have already signed up to watch, which is amazing.

I personally hadn’t planned to be involved in the live reading, but I did participate in the recorded reading. The recordings of these fantastic poems will be used to further promote the anthology (raising funds for NHS Charities Together and the battle against Covid19) and also serve as a keepsake for those of us involved.

Last Thursday (21 May 2020) I read my poem, ‘Only the Cleaner’, in the recorded session. I had the privilege to listen to all the other poems too, and I can tell you now that hearing them live from the poets themselves adds a wealth of meaning to the poetry that cannot be felt in print. Some of the poems I recalled from the anthology but struggled to remember are now imprinted in my mind in the beautiful voices of the writers. One that springs to mind is ‘The Gondoliers’, a poem in dedication to the hospital porters who move the beds between wards. That was an amazing image and the passion in Anna Bosanquet made it an unforgettable experience.

Hearing the poems from NHS workers themselves brought tears to my eyes on many an occasion throughout the recording. If you want to be involved, you should absolutely attend the live reading this Thursday.

I, of course, do not work for the NHS any longer and haven’t for years. In fact in one of my poems I’ve implied I worked there in 2010, but in fact it must have been more like 2011 or 2012 (or spread across both). Maths was never my strong point! I was working as bank staff at Southend University Hospital during my final year of university and it is to this day the most rewarding role I ever had. I have so many memories of my experiences while working there, like the sun rising over the houses and the lights just blinking on. It coloured my career path, leading me to explore work in social care, and eventually my work in charities and nonprofits. My work with IA sees me often communicating with doctors, surgeons, and stoma care nurses from all across the NHS – so I didn’t leave completely.

One thing I’ve learned is that I can absolutely read poetry under scary circumstances! When all this began, I was so nervous that I had even planned to skip the book launch – absolutely unthinkable now! I was asked to speak on the radio (which got cancelled because of covid-19 incidentally, as did the book launch) and I remember fretting over that. Now-days, while I’d be nervous, I think I’d value the opportunity so much more.
Connecting the voices of the artists with the work is so very important, as I discovered when I listened to all these beautiful contributions.

You can buy your copy of These Are the Hands here.


Until next time!

Best wishes,
Ashleigh

Novel Vs Movie: Our Affair with Hooper

Smile, you son of a bitch.

Read my new article about Jaws!

I’m pleased to share my article about Jaws on Mookychick
It’s a piece about the novel, the movie, and the differences between the two – namely the very different portrayals of the character Matt Hooper.

Here’s a completely unsurprising verdict: the Richard Dreyfuss Hooper is a whole lot more fun.

I hope you enjoy this entertaining read about an animatronic shark as a welcome distraction from the absolute chaos of the world right now.

You can find the article here!

Check it out!

Best wishes,
Ashleigh

My Cancelled Covid Concerts of 2020

This is a short ode to the cancelled, the refunded, and the rescheduled – I look forward to seeing your talented selves in brighter times when there isn’t a plague on all humanity.

Photo by Molchat Doma

Molchat Doma

There are no real words for how talented and creative these guys are. I describe them (and I believe many others describe them) as a Belarusian Joy Division, though their music is more melodious and certainly danceable. Their records are haunting and hypnotic, with that soviet brutalism vibe to paint a bleak landscape on their album covers – but wait until you watch them live; the dancing alone is an art form. I always value bands who are writing poetry first and a song second, weaving dreams and ideas into the fabric of their music. The guys themselves remind me of Marc Ryden paintings. I desperately wanted to watch them live when they played in either Chelmsford, London or Bristol earlier this year, but they were mid-week concerts and it just wasn’t to be. That was probably my last chance for a very long time and I am absolutely gutted. Have a look at their live performances below on Belsat Music Live and enjoy their phenomenal talent.

Shortparis

Shortparis are hard band to pin down in terms of genre – I guess you’d call them synthpop, but they have more darkwave vibes and certainly their subject matter is incredibly bleak and gloomy. I discovered them recently by a Spotify recommendation. Would it surprise you if I told you they were Russian? I swear to god, man – these Russians and their amazing music. The first Shortparis video I saw was for their most popular song, Страшно (Strashno) ; skinhead creeps infiltrate what looks like a refugee camp inside a school gymnasium, look threatening at first, before treating them to an immense song (which translates to ‘Scary’) and some slightly homoerotic dancing (and I mean that with all the love in the world, it’s fantastic). How could I not be intrigued by that?! I was excited to see these guys in Bristol in June, and had hoped that *just maybe* this whole covid-19 nastiness would have blown over by then. A week or so into lockdown, with the death toll piling up, I realised this thing was enormous and deadly and we wouldn’t be escaping any time soon. Sadly, my tickets were refunded last week.

Photo by She Past Away

She Past Away

I believe this goth darkwave duo were another Spotify recommendation, and I loved the danceable synth music paired with poetic verse. Their lyrics actually put me in mind of a favourite band of mine, Rammstein – their songs are pretty abstract and often tell dark, melancholy tales. Another thing that fascinated me was the fact they’re Turkish! My experience of Turkey was of a hot but desolate place stuck in an 80s time-warp, so it’s refreshing to see such artists coming from there and representing a different side of that culture – perhaps a dark li’l goth underbelly? I was excited to see these guys were playing in London, but the gigs were unfortunately cancelled. I believe they hope to play sometime next Autumn, but I’m not holding my breath.

Photo by Anton Corbijn

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

This was one big, massive, kick in the teeth – Nick Cave needs no introduction at all, least of all by the likes of li’l old me. In spite of the fact that this would have been an enormous concert venue, and therefore not the intimate experience I looked forward to with the bands above, I was still *so stoked* to see Nick. I remember first hearing Red Right Hand and then looking up the video, becoming absolutely beguiled by this spooky, eloquent bard. I say ‘bard’ because he’s another one who tells stories and creates characters, which the bookworm in me falls in love with. My father bought me standing tickets for my 29th birthday and I was so looking forward to it, but alas – weren’t we all? The tickets are still valid, but the tour has been rescheduled to occur the same time next year. At least I have something to look forward to for my 30th – I’ve never been a party -person.

Funny story – I told my friend and colleague Kate that I was seeing Nick Cave, and she was excited and envious and very tempted to book tickets of her own (I believe she would have). She then said, “Oh, Troubled Soul…” and I sort of looked baffled for a second, because I didn’t recognise that, and I said, “Oh, I’ve not heard that one – Troubled Soul?”.
“…I meant him. He’s a troubled soul.”
Cue me facepalming.

Anyway, there we have it – all the amazing bands I never saw in 2020.

And now I’m very sad.

Until next time, stay safe and healthy.

Best wishes,
Ashleigh

The Southern Gothic Novels of V C Andrews

One of my early writing heroes – Virginia Andrews

Most young women, coming of age, at the tender ages of 12 and 13, might be reading Jacqueline Wilson or Stephanie Meyer, or perhaps the latest of the Harry Potter novels. At least, they were when I was around that age.
But, I was different.
I was among the tribe of very peculiar young girls who read the dark, incestuous southern gothic novels of V C Andrews, and my god, how we loved them.

These were not the sorts of novels that were marketed and promoted to young girls. No, membership into the secret society of V C Andrews fans was by invitation-only, and I remember my invitation very well. A little friend of mine at school in year 8 (or it could have been as early as year 7) was a fellow avid-reader, and she started telling me about this whacky book she was reading. I remember thinking that she was telling me tales, because they didn’t make books like that. She was describing the story of four children who are locked away in the attic of a huge gothic mansion called Foxworth Hall, where they are abandoned and then poisoned by their own mother, who kills one of the twins and causes the later suicide of the other, who couldn’t bear to live without her sibling. Not only that, but the two elder children, Cathy and Christopher, became so lonely during their hormone-riddled teen years that they develop an incestuous relationship.

My friend told me about all the raunchy scenes (and not just those between siblings, which was shocking enough), and all the dirty bits about mysterious stains on sheets and how the children navigated their developing sexuality while being trapped in an attic.

So, naturally, I asked my mum if she could buy me this lovely, quaint little novel called Flowers in the Attic by V C Andrews. I devoured this book and was utterly thrilled to find there was a whole series, and I gobbled those ones up too. Not only was it every bit as filthy, scandalous, and raunchy as my friend had warned me, but it was a fascinating gothic tale of abandonment, of loneliness, of greed, and of the raw human need to be loved. I remember crying buckets at certain scenes, truly invested in these wild and unhinged characters.

The amazing thing about V C Andrews’ writing was that, in many cases, it was actually so bad it was good. I read an article once (I forget where) which stated that one of the pulls for the literary agent who read VC’s work (her ninth attempt at a novel after a successful career as an illustrator) was that she wrote in such a bizarre and dreamy way. Her characters spoke in a highly dramatic and unrealistic way, and yet it’s what keeps you turning the pages. The twists and turns were outlandish too, almost too bizarre, which meant that you could never ever guess where it was going next.

Looking back, what I loved about the Flowers in the Attic series (and subsequent novels by V C before she died and subsequent works under her name were ghostwritten) was that her characters were ultimately flawed by their lack of self-control when it came to their needs. And my god, were her characters needy. Men were pathetic, woman-hungry, and even the most powerful were in want of a mother-figure in their lives; their relationships were awash with Oedipus complexes of the highest magnitude. The women were desperate, love-starved, vengeful, furious and sometimes psychotic. Oh, and beautiful – breathtakingly, divinely beautiful creatures, every one of them.

I would later go on to read the Heaven series and My Sweet Audrina, the deliciously spooky standalone novel. As far as I know, this very sadly concluded the books V C herself actually wrote, though her estate was to later to approve a ghostwriter to come up with Andrews-esque titles, of which there are now about 4 billion.

On the surface, these characters were unreal. But in other ways, they were somehow too real – unnervingly so. They were our ugly underbellies, and the melodrama that we craved in our boring, mundane, very British lives.

Which brings me to the other draw for me: these novels were written and indeed set in Virginia, USA. There ain’t no gothic like southern gothic, and that’s a fact – (look at the game Red Dead Redemption for a modern example). Now, all right – that’s the deep south, with marshy swamps and hanging willows and dirty secrets in hidden pond shacks. But V C Andrews’ works had that same feel; that earth-deep drama of the kind Joan Collins would be proud of.

Actually, the 1980s series Dynasty reminds me a lot of V C Andrews’ novels; something about the 80s glamour shots, the pouffed satin sleeves, the shoulder pads, the power suits, the eccentric blow-dried hair, the bitch-slapping. Then there’s the wealth; the dripping, seeping wealth. V C Andrews wrote a lot about young women going from rags to riches as their beauty and secret lineage led them to huge sprawling estates and spooky mansions with hidden passages and candle-lit liaisons and forbidden love.

Say no more, right? Hence, my eternal love for these spooky, outlandish, beautiful gothic novels.

So what about Virginia Andrews herself?

V C Andrews at home with her mother

Even though our dear southern belle Virginia sadly died in 1986 of breast cancer, I still feel guilty for posting that photo above. Allegedly the author absolutely hated it, because People Magazine covertly took the picture and published it without her consent. This was one of only two known interviews Virginia did (the other was in a horror anthology of authors called Faces of Fear, which I’ve yet to read). She was famously reclusive and private, and ashamed of the back injury and terrible arthritis that can be seen in the photo above.

I read that Virginia often wrote her novels standing up, because her back would be too painful to sit up straight for long hours while she typed on an old typewriter. She had been made disabled by an accidental fall down a staircase at school aged 15, and it changed her life forever. She became dependent on care from her mother and, as far as we’re aware, never married or had children.
Which to me is a terrible shame, because any fan of her novels will know what a flame that woman had in her heart. You can see from her photographs at the age of about 60 (though she never revealed her age – a true southern belle of Blanche from Golden Girls standards) that she was beautiful and unique in her appearance; a true individual. She looked like a character from one of her novels, though I’m sure which one exactly depended entirely on her mood.

The fact that her novels span the genres of horror, gothic, romance and family saga all in one go should give you some idea of just what page-turners they are, and how thrilling they are to her adoring fans of the past and present.

Now, many people would call these novels fast-fiction, or pure trash – and you know what? I think V C would be the first to agree with you. She said:

I think I tell a whopping good story. And I don’t drift away from it a great deal into descriptive material. When I read, if a book doesn’t hold my interest in what’s going to happen next, I put it down and don’t finish it. So I’m not going to let anybody put one of my books down and not finish it. My stuff is a very fast read.

V C Andrews in Faces of Fear.

What V C Andrews taught me from a writer’s perspective is to be entirely true to yourself, your vision, and to never be afraid to write outside the lines. We wanted melodrama and we got it in spades; she turned it up to 11. Nobody before or since has managed to quite capture that peculiar mix of gothic horror and lusty romance; not in my opinion. Maybe some have come close, but if you ask me, they’re imitating – and that’s the highest form of flattery.

Are you a V C Andrews fan? What did her works teach you as a reader and/or writer? How old were you when you discovered her?

I hope you enjoyed reading about one of my favourite authors.

Until next time, keep well, keep safe, and stay indoors.

Best wishes,
Ashleigh